Caitlin's Corner

What Our First “Santaless” Christmas is Teaching Us So Far

As the holidays approach, I know that not everyone in our community celebrates Christmas, and those who do, celebrate in different ways. Our family’s version is a very secular, winter-marking ritual: a way to bring light into the dark season by connecting with people we love, and celebrating the joys that lift our spirits during these cold months. Of course, if you ask our kids, they’d tell you it’s about one thing: waking up to presents under the tree.

But this year is different. After some intense midsummer cross-examination by our 9- and 6-year-olds, we finally admitted what they suspected: we are Santa. Their discovery felt bittersweet to me. In one sense, I mourned that huge loss of magic from their childhoods. On the other hand, I thought about the years when Ryan and I worked hard to source, buy, hide, wrap, and ultimately present the gifts in the most magical way possible- all to watch how the kids praised an imaginary old white man for his efforts and generosity. So yea, a big part of me became giddy with relief: that's right kids, we can put that holly, jolly piece of the patriarchy behind us.

Now, as we head into our first holiday season with the “secret” out in the open, I’ve been surprised by how much calmer, lighter, and more financially grounded this season feels, both for us and our kids.

What I’m learning is that removing the mythical middleman didn’t take away the magic. It simply shifted it into a place where our kids can actually participate in it.

Here’s what’s been surprisingly wonderful about letting the real world into our holiday planning:

We can have real financial conversations... And they get it.

One of our kids has her heart set on a pricey bike accessory this year. In the old days, we might have tried to make it work, telling ourselves “Santa can do anything.” Now, we told her we’d happily cover half, and she could save for the other half before biking season starts. Suddenly, she has a five-month runway, a concrete savings goal, and a sense of ownership over something she really wants. And because not all of Christmas is riding on that one big-ticket item, our budget has room for a few other things on her list.

Their wishlists become reality checks, and opportunities for prioritizing.

Without the illusion of infinite sleigh capacity, we can talk with our kids about budgets in a way that’s honest and practical. When their wishlists start stretching beyond what makes sense, we sit down and go through them together. We’ve been amazed at how readily they’ll remove items once they realize they’d rather have a few meaningful things than a mountain of random stuff. And we’re relieved we didn’t spend the extra money, or run around town trying to track down things that would’ve been forgotten by the end of January.

We can finally talk openly about giving, not just receiving.

Each year, our family sponsors others in our community who need support during the holidays. In pre-truth-telling days, we quietly trimmed from our own budget to make room for that. Now, with Santa out of the equation, our kids have real skin in the game. We talked about choosing one item from their own lists to forgo so that we could free up a little more to help another family. They understood (after some nudging) and took the idea seriously. It’s the first year I’ve seen them connect the dots between their choices and someone else’s comfort, joy, and dignity. And that's some fa-la-la-la-long-term financial learning, and compassion happening for those kiddos 😉.

Their lists are shorter, clearer, and way more thoughtful.

One of my biggest surprises is now that they know these gifts aren't simply manifested out of the North Pole, they’re asking for fewer things- and, the things they’re asking for really matter to them. I’m anticipating (🤞) far fewer “what even is this?” toys collecting dust in the basement come February.

I know this can be a tender subject. Every family has their own rhythm, their own beliefs, and their own sense of what’s age-appropriate or meaningful. For many parents, the idea of your kid “learning the truth” about Santa feels like a loss (I get that). If you’re still firmly in the camp of preserving that magic for as long as possible, I support you wholeheartedly. Deck those halls. And maybe tuck away some of these ideas as quiet tools for building financial awareness within the magic.

But if your kids are nearing that “aha” moment, or if you’re wrestling with guilt about the whole holly-jolly charade, I hope our experience offers some reassurance. There’s a real, grounded kind of magic that emerges when kids understand the truth: the magic of participating, choosing, prioritizing, saving, giving, and preparing for the real world.

Oh, and in case you were curious: our kids know that "Santa" still expects cookies and milk, but since Reindeer are out of the picture, there's no need for carrots. And it's still true that Santa may not come if they're not in bed in time 🧑🏻‍🎄.

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