Caitlin's Corner

The Best Response to a Vile Comment Is a Better Story

This past Sunday night, on the South Lawn of the White House, UFC fighter Josh Hokit grabbed the microphone from Joe Rogan after winning his fight. First he praised his “Lord and Savior Jesus Christ,“ and then screamed to a cheering crowd, “Michelle Obama is a man, am I right, America?”

What a vile thing to say... Not even considering that any decent person would choose more joyful words after celebrating his biggest career victory. Not even considering the long history of white people stripping Black women of their femininity in order to justify brutal treatment. A vile comment like that doesn't get to define Michelle Obama.

I had planned to write about the SpaceX IPO, and Elon Musk's new net wealth today, but instead I'd like to counter Sunday night's vile behavior with something that honors a woman who's been a shining role model to so many of us. Michelle Obama has given us endless lessons to learn from, and today I'd like to share a money lesson I took from her.

Michelle and her brother Craig grew up not knowing they were poor. They were working class, went to a working class school, and because of that, Michelle has said, she never felt "less than." She never saw her family's financial position as any less than her friends' or neighbors'. In fact, she sometimes thought she might be rich.

She and Craig credit this to the lessons their father taught them about money. It was important to him never to take on debt, and always to pay themselves first. He made sure they lived below their means, even when those means were small.

Craig once asked his father if they were rich and his father said "I get my paycheck tomorrow. Why don't we find out?" The next day, he laid out all the bills from his paycheck on the table. The first bill he took off was for savings, since he always paid himself first. The next were for household bills, then food, and so on. If anything was left over, he'd say, "This is how much needs to get us through the next two weeks. If we can, we'll use some of it for pizza if you do well on your next report card."

Michelle and Craig told this story to Steven Bartlett when he came onto their podcast, IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson. The practice was clearly memorable to Craig and Michelle, but Bartlett points out something about this experience that differentiates how so many other people are raised to feel about money: their father wasn't hiding the family's financial situation from his kids. He brought money into the open instead of letting it live behind a curtain of secrecy and shame. That's a big part of why Michelle has talked about having such a healthy relationship with money throughout her life. She learned early that money is something you manage, not something you fear or chase validation through.

Just weeks ago on stage at SXSW London, Michelle told a live audience that the best financial advice she ever gave her daughters was this: "Get used to living smaller than you need to, so that you can do the things you want to do when they present themselves. Living small, financially, allows you to stay free of the golden handcuffs."

I couldn't agree more. We can spend our whole lives amassing more and more wealth, but if our relationship with money isn't right (if we're living above our means) we'll never have the freedom to take the risks, chase the dreams, or live the lives we actually want.

As Michelle put it: "Our working-class father knew that money was not the thing that would bring joy to our lives. The real work is finding self, and purpose that is bigger than self." That kind of purpose can be hard to find without the financial security to back it up. Watching Michelle Obama live hers out with grace, substance, and a legacy no cheap insult can touch is a lot more inspiring than anything Josh Hokit will ever say.

On Our Reading & Podcast List

📕 Leslé Honoré wrote a beautiful poem in honor of Michelle Obama. Here's a snippet, but please read the whole thing!

She hears degrees
Love
Brilliant daughters
Faithful husband
The south side’s pride
The nation’s gratitude
Her ancestors prayers

🎧 Here are some of my favorite Black voices in finance that you should follow, if you haven't already:

​Jamila Souffrant (Journey to Launch)

​Bola Sokunbi (Clever Girl Finance)

​Les Alfred (She's So Lucky)

​Tiffany Aliche (The Budgetnista)

​Carmen A. Perez (Make Real Cents)

​Jasmine Paul (The Wealth Playground)

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